Personal

Notes on Grief

It’s been a strange week.  Once again I’ve been playing hide and seek with grief. It is my big bro Ty’s birthday week. Last night it was his birthday and I celebrated his birthday at a gig held in his honour. It was attended by his fans, friends, family. Grief isn’t linear. Grief has no …

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Choose Yourself

Trigger warning: References to sexual abuse It’s May 13th, 20201. Ramadan is over. It’s Eid. I will NOT be celebrating it with other people. Specifically, I will not be celebrating it with family. I have no desire to put myself in a situation where I have to interact with my abuser. A man who repeatedly …

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Repressing Grief

I’m finally waking up. This past week has been full of tears. I’ve received knock backs. This isn’t new. I’ve heard “no” far more often than I’ve heard “yes”. Despite this, I’ve been unusually teary. I’ve become accustomed to shutting down my emotions this past year. My close friend and favourite artist Ty passed away …

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oh baby

I love surprises! Don’t you? With my head hunched down at my laptop in a trendy office I hummed “oh baby….” The sounds of hypnotic synths travelled through the room. “What song is this?” I asked my colleague. “It’s ‘oh baby’ by LCD Soundsystem” she replied. For decades I’ve struggled with dissociation*. I’ve found it …

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