Building a New Life

I’m currently re-reading “The Illusion of Money” by Kyle Cease

I highly recommend it to anyone who is trying to build a creative career in the 21st century. It’s full of wisdom and insight.

While re-reading it earlier this evening I came across a passage where he says:

“An architect can’t build a brand-new hotel right on top of an existing old one – he needs to demolish the old one, clear it out of the way, and prepare ground for the new one……”

He’s not wrong. At all. 

I’ve made difficult decisions in the past 4 years. 

I walked away from my marriage. I no longer live with my daughter who I love more than anyone else in the world. 

I’ve struggled and continue to struggle as I navigate changes and build the life I want to. 

A new life, one that is better would result in a different story. One very different to the story of my past life.

Thing is, I’m not sure if I’ve managed to kick my addiction to the old story I’ve become attached to about my old life. 

Sure, a tonne of bad shit has happened to me in my past. Hell, I’m writing a long form fictional story based on my past and I routinely find myself upset and triggered when revisiting past memories and events as I mine them for artistic gold. 

There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging the past and the bad things that happened there.

But that past is full of very negative and unhelpful stories and narratives I accepted about myself. Those self limiting beliefs resulted in low self esteem, constantly putting myself in incredibly harmful and abusive situations, whether that was jobs, bosses, friendships etc. 

It’s hard though, and I don’t think I’m alone on this. When hearing negative and abusive shit about yourself becomes so common from the people around you who are supposed to love and support you, you’ll internalise those toxic and destructive beliefs. 

But those beliefs are out of sync with who I want to be. 

I’m currently experiencing blocks, obstacles in the way of me becoming who I want to be and building the kind of life I want. A life full of creativity, joy and love. 

I need to work on eroding those beliefs, consigning them to the dust bin. A new house is eager to be built. I need to resume demolishing the old one first. I thought I was done, but I’m not. 

I need to work harder at demolishing the old building. 

I need to work harder at laying the old stories I tell myself and believe to rest. 

Only then will the obstacles I currently face in my artistic and creative journey melt away. 

10 thoughts on “Building a New Life”

  1. You’ve got this bro. I’m right here with a sledge hammer for those hard to beat blocks 👊🏼

    1. Thanks bro! Your comment made me smile. I also loved it when you sent me the music video for Peter Gabriel’s Sledgehammer after commenting on this blog post!

    1. Thank you so much for the kind words bro. Watching your artistic journey has been incredibly inspirational. You’re a polymath, acting, music, film making. Hope we get to work together in the future.

  2. Love this blog Haroon, straight from the heart and I agree with what you say about having to demolish those negative thoughts before you can rebuild. It’s really challenging to overcome internalised self-doubt. I’ve been through something similar and I found that surrounding myself with positive people and situations was a great way to mitigate those negative feelings about myself. I had to make a few changes along the way and removed toxic people from my life, but I am finally on the road to recovery and I know you’ll be able to do the same. You’ve got this!

    1. Hi Alice,

      Thanks so much for the kind words and for checking out my blog. Self doubt is crippling. It really is.

      I’m so glad you’ve been able to surround yourself with the right people and implement the right strategies to help you overcome and mitigate those feelings.

      I agree with you, removing toxic people from your life is key in this process of recovery.

      Thanks again for the encouragement!



  3. I get this, Haroon; it took me a while to finally find the time to sit down and read properly. I like the comparison you brought up with demolishing and rebuilding. I am trying to destroy the old belief that is weighing me down. I know it will take time, but I’m confident we both can re-build better than before.

    1. Thanks for the kind words Pani.

      It takes time, but you’ve gotta do it. We only have one life. It’s on us to make what we can of it.

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